Showing Up as Myself: The Power of Self-Disclosure in Counseling

If you are reading this, then you are here to learn about something near and dear to all our hearts. Self-disclosure. So, what is it and how have I used it so far in my career? To put it simply, self-disclosure is when a counselor, well…self-discloses. It’s when we let clients in on our own life and experiences in a way that hopefully builds the client-counselor relationship and helps further client progress and healing.

We can do it in little ways (our interests and pets for example) and big ways (our own trauma we’ve worked through or difficult experiences that relate to a client’s). We always want a reason to do it, and to not self-disclose things we haven’t actually worked through ourselves since that can turn a session into being more for us than the client.

Different counseling approaches and mindsets around counseling have different views on self-disclosure and whether we should do it at all. Some schools of thought believe we should be blank slates with clients knowing nothing about us personally. Others say “it’s the relationship that heals” and it’s necessary to build that relationship through showing up openly and authentically ourselves. Appropriate self-disclosure included as part of that relationship building. Clearly, I fall into the latter category, since I’m writing this post.

In a way, I choose to self-disclose in every session I have. Step into my office, and the 90s-kid-to-anime-and-gaming-loving LPC pipeline is evident. Pokemon and Avatar: The Last Airbender posters hang on the wall. Reptar and Spongebob figurines sit on the bookshelf alongside some farm animal plushies, to show my love of cozy games like Stardew Valley and Story of Seasons. My “uniform” is usually an anime T-shirt or some type of graphic tee that speaks to my personality, paired with jeans, and a cardigan. Talk about K-Pop, BTS specifically, and I’ll probably ask who your favorite group is or bias.

I am absolutely a no sabo kid (non-spanish knowing), but still slip in a word or two I do know with Latinx clients as appropriate. I’m open about my Mexican heritage when it comes up, and can help build that connection with a client. Even if I also come from a father who pronounced menudo “may-new-toe”.

For me, showing up authentically for my clients means being open and even signposting those parts of who I am. Even reading this, you can probably gain some sense of my personality beyond the facts I just gave about my interests and racial
identity. When it can be genuinely helpful for the client I also self-disclose the big stuff. In particular, my experience with growing up with alcohol addiction in the home and going through my own counseling to process that. My journey of wanting to understand what was going on, and my eventual experience with counseling as a client, is a big part of
why I became a counselor myself.

I’ve shared my own experience anxiously keeping an eye on my mom and how much she drank. How trust is broken- brick by brick- and how it must be rebuilt with someone dealing with addiction. Those thoughts and feelings of “why am I not enough for them to get sober” and hurt that comes with them. The pressure to constantly prove you’re “on the wagon” after getting sober. How we carry those experiences with us and how important it is to have them validated and heard so we can start to let go and heal.

How has self-disclosure been working you may ask. Ultimately, it has served me pretty well, both as a student practitioner and now licensed LPC. It’s helped build connections with clients who animatedly get to talk about interests they didn’t expect to bring up in a counseling session. It’s helped clients discuss those experiences with someone who “gets it” and can more fully understand those experiences and feelings- without having to explain the little nuances of what they’ve been through. It’s made me a better counselor. When I am able to show up authentically and confidently as myself, I can be more fully present with clients.

Of course there have been some drawbacks too. A brightly painted office with decor from “kids” shows and games don’t always align itself with the traditional image of a professional counselor. I am forever navigating the fine line between sharing my own experiences to help heal and making sure I am not assuming a client needs what I did just because they come from a similar background. Between not reopening my own wounds in a way that pulls me out of the presence, and ensuring sessions remain focused on supporting the client in exploring and healing theirs. At this point though I don’t know how to be any other way, and I wouldn’t want to.

My clients are fully complex people with their own stories and personalities. Why not be open about the fact that I am as well?

-Shannon “Shay” Carnahan, LPC

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