INTROVERTS UNITE!

Or, maybe we do that next week? 

Groups can be a lot, and I usually need a good two to three business days to prepare. A recent event has got me thinking about that aspect of my personality, and how I learned to confidently use that part of myself as a counselor. I went to my first significant self-development/networking event since starting my career and pushed myself out of my comfort zone.  I complimented a stranger’s outfit and struck up small talk. A feat that an introvert understands can take near Herculean strength. I even volunteered to be the first one to start an activity at my table. Then an icebreaker question about a book or show recommendation made me remember a book I read during my own time in therapy, Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain, and the little details from it that had stayed with me. Remembering the book made me reflect on how it’s lessons have shaped how I practice counseling. 

I’ll be honest, going into practicum during my schooling and preparing to work with actual clients, I was nervous. How could I, as an introvert, actually hold a fifty minute to hour session without ending up in uncomfortable silence? I could see the future sessions of awkwardly staring at a client across from me as conversation stalled, intimidating and inevitable. How could I change my very personality to be the small talk master with sessions full of perfectly flowing conversation like I need to be? 

Fast forward to now…I didn’t and I don’t. I learned to use my introversion as a strength. And I give myself grace for when I still have areas to grow. Areas where my personality isn’t as natural a fit for that part of the job. I leaned into a theoretical approach that meshed not just with my view of mental health and counseling, but with my personality and introversion as well. 

To start from that last point, if you read my past post you know I’m a person-centered counselor. Along with authenticity comes the belief that I am not above my clients, we are on the same level, a team working together towards their goals. That means I listen. I listen to clients’ stories, experiences, and emotions. And thankfully, as an introvert, I like to think we’re pretty built for listening and deep conversation. I may not small talk or network as easily, but I can actively listen to someone and want to understand them and the picture they are painting for me. I can be present when a client needs to have a feeling that has never been validated, heard and understood. I honor the power in just having someone there to listen and sit with you in that moment, even if they aren’t saying much. 

I also listen when a client tells me something isn’t working, and also when something is. I trust my clients know what they need and where they want to be at the end of the day. That they know what will or won’t help them in working towards their goals. 

This is a mindset referenced in Cain’s book, just not one to one. She references a study done where one group had a more extroverted leader taking charge but wasn’t open to much input or feedback. The other group had a more introverted leader open. One who took input from those under their guidance. In each group a member had a more efficient way to complete the task and would attempt to speak up. The group with the introverted leader recognized and allowed the group member to actively contribute and lead. 

I want to be a counselor who leads with the openness and the curiosity of that introverted leader. A counselor who listens to their client share their thoughts about what is going to work for them. To share what their needs are and what they are struggling with. 

Of course, it isn’t all active listening and deep conversation. I had some major areas to grow as a counselor where that introverted nature caused some road bumps. I made a “free trait agreement”, another topic Cain discusses in her book. We make agreements with ourselves to act in a way slightly out of character and adopt a “free trait” to help us towards our goals. I adopted some more extroverted traits to help build relationships with clients as well as grow professionally through networking and building professional relationships. I put effort into actively attempting to converse and build rapport with clients and other professionals.  Or when I would rather go home and game, I would push myself out of my comfort zone and go to a WAPA meeting. 

This doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle and have areas of growth. Sometimes, intakes can still feel “clinical” when I’m not able to build that rapport from the start, even if I try to be a little more extroverted and make a connection. I don’t gravitate to more “standard” ways of marketing myself as a counselor to build a client base. I don’t mesh with making short posts on social media or going door to door to local businesses with business cards and treats. And believe me, I tried the door to door thing. I write posts like this or longer emails introducing myself to school counselors where I can fully delve into a topic that would help clients and others in the field get an idea of who I am. 

These past few posts, and probable future posts talking about how my personality, interests, and experiences impact my counseling are an extension of that introverted nature of my personality. Small talk and short form ways to create a first impression don’t come naturally when I want deep conversations. I want to fully understand my clients. In writing these posts, I want readers, prospective clients or not, to more fully understand me and counseling as a whole. That we, as counselors, are individuals with our own journeys’ strengths and weaknesses. 

I may not be as able to confidently make a 30 second short explaining cognitive behavioral therapy to convince you that I know the theory. But you can certainly expect a post in the future discussing how a positive mindset is shown in Dr. Stone. And how this mindset is shown with Senku’s constant belief in the ability of himself and his allies to overcome challenges. There is a core tenant of beliefs and mindset in CBT being shown through anime, and I hope to share that with you all. And hopefully you have enjoyed this little glimpse into how introversion plays a role in my work. And maybe at least a little interested in reading that book I mentioned. 

-Shannon “Shay” Carnahan, LPC

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