You’re Allowed to Change Your Mind
The purpose of this blog post is to attempt to normalize something that doesn’t get talked about enough. You’re allowed to change your mind. About your career. About your major. About your friendships. About your relationship. About your goals. About who you are.
Somewhere along the way a lot of us started believing that if we change our minds that means we failed at something. We’ve convinced ourselves that once we’ve made a decision we have to stick with it, no matter how unhappy or disconnected we become. But the truth? Changing your mind isn’t a sign that you’ve failed, often it’s a sign that you’ve grown.
Under Pressure
We’ve become in the habit of putting way too much pressure on ourselves. At 18, people ask you what you want to do for the rest of your life. At 22, you’re expected to have a career path. At 25, people start asking you when you’re getting married or buying a house. With people looking for straightforward answers to these questions it’s easy to feel like every decision you make is permanent.
Life isn’t a straight line. It’s full of detours. Detours that honestly can completely change your perspective on things. The version of you who made a decision two years ago had different experiences, different priorities, and different knowledge than the version of you that’s reading this today. So of course you might want something different now! That doesn’t mean the old version of you was wrong, it just means you’ve changed.
Change What Feels Right
Maybe you chose a career because it felt practical – now you’ve realized that it leaves you feeling utterly drained every day.
Maybe you stayed in a friendship because you’ve known each other forever – now you realize history isn’t the same thing as compatibility.
Maybe you always pictured yourself living in a big city – now all you want is a quiet life with a slow pace.
These changes don’t mean you were pretending before, simply that you’ve learned more about yourself. Growth has a funny way of changing what feels right.
You’re Not Starting Over
One of the biggest fears people have about changing their minds is the feeling that they’ve “wasted time.”
“I spent four years (or more) getting this degree”
“I’ve been at this job for six years already”
“I’ve already invested so much into this relationship”
These feelings are understandable, but they’re also incomplete.
Nothing that you’ve experienced disappears once you choose a new path. That job still taught you something. That relationship showed you what you value and what lessons you’ll carry into the future. You’re not erasing your past, you’re building on it. That’s growth!
The Fear of Disappointing People
Sometimes the hardest part of change isn’t the decision itself but worrying about how everyone else will react to it. What if your parents don’t understand? What if your friends think you’re making a mistake? What if people say “but I thought you wanted this?” And they probably will. And that’s okay.
People create a picture of who they think we are, so when we grow beyond that picture it can surprise them. IMPORTANT: Your life isn’t meant to be lived according to someone else’s expectations. The people who genuinely care about you want you to build a life that feels authentic, not one that just looks good from the outside.
You Can Outgrow Things Without Hating Them
You don’t have to build resentment for something in order to leave it behind. You can appreciate a job that taught you valuable skills and still decide it’s time for a new one. You can love someone and still recognize that the relationship isn’t healthy anymore. You can be grateful for a friendship while admitting that you’ve grown in different directions. Not everything has to end because it was bad. Some things end because they’ve served their purpose.
Give Yourself Permission
The hobbies you loved at 15 may not interest you now. The music you listen to may have changed. Your opinions, priorities, values, and dreams may look completely different than they did five years ago. That’s not an identity crisis, that’s life. You’re not supposed to stay exactly the same forever. Imagine how limiting it would be if you never got to change your perspective, never learned from your mistakes, or never discovered new interests.
So if you’re waiting for a sign that it’s okay to choose differently, this is it.
You’re allowed to change your major.
You’re allowed to switch careers.
You’re allowed to end friendships that no longer feel healthy.
You’re allowed to discover new passions.
You’re allowed to change your routines.
You’re allowed to set different goals.
You’re allowed to change your mind even after you told everyone what your plan was.
TLDR
Regularly ask yourself “does this still fit the person I’m becoming?” Not the person you were. Not the person your family expects you to be. Not the version of yourself you’ve been trying to hold on to. The person you’re becoming. If the answer is no, it’s okay to choose a different path. Life isn’t about proving that your past decisions were perfect, it’s about making decisions that align with who you are today.
Give yourself permission to evolve. To pivot. To try again. To rewrite the plan. Because you’re not failing by changing your mind, you’re giving yourself the freedom to become the person you’re meant to be.
-Haley Martin, LMSW, LMAC