Why Rest Feels So Uncomfortable
Have you ever finally had a free day and instead of feeling relaxed, you felt…guilty? Thoughts racing around like “I should be doing something productive with my day? “I’ll relax after I finish one more thing.” So instead of resting you actually cleaned the kitchen, answered emails, reorganized the junk drawer or scolded TikTok for three hours while feeling both busy and unproductive. If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone!
For many people rest isn’t difficult because they don’t have the time. It’s difficult because it feels uncomfortable. But why?
What We Learned
From a young age many of us received praise for what we do, not who we are. Good grades. Winning games. Getting into college. Working hard. Being busy. Checking every box. So somewhere along the way we accepted the message that our value is tied to productivity. The more you accomplish, the more successful or “good” you feel. So it’s only natural that when you start resting your brain starts asking “shouldn’t you be doing something?” The problem with this is that the rest starts to feel like wasted time instead of something that is actually necessary.
Staying Busy > Unfamiliar Feelings
If you’ve spent years constantly staying busy, slowing down can feel really strange. Think of it this way:
If you moved to a new city tomorrow, everything would feel unfamiliar at first. Even if it was the greatest place to live on Earth
Rest works the same way. If your normal pace is always go, go, go your nervous system may initially interpret slowing down as uncomfortable simply because it’s different. But that doesn’t mean it’s wrong, just that it’s new! Just like with any new habit, learning to rest takes practice.
Are You Resting or Avoiding?
This one can be hard to admit. Sometimes staying busy isn’t about productivity at all. It’s about distraction. If we are constantly working, cleaning, studying, or scrolling we don’t have to sit with the uncomfy feelings. Loneliness. Anxiety. Grief. Uncertainty. Disappointment. Being busy can become a way for us to attempt to outrun our emotions, but eventually they will catch up. Rest can create a quiet space where feelings finally have room to surface. This can feel overwhelming, but it can also be an opportunity to notice what you’ve been silently carrying around. Don’t put pressure on yourself to try and fix every emotion the moment that it appears. Sometimes simply acknowledging that it’s there is enough.
Rest Doesn’t Have to Mean Doing Nothing
One of the biggest misconceptions is that rest always means lying on the couch doing absolutely nothing. If you’re me, that’s exactly what you need. But, for others, it sounds miserable. Rest can also look like:
-Reading a book just because you enjoy it, not that you have to learn something from it
-Sitting outside for your morning coffee
-Going for a sloooww walk
-Gardening
-Listening to music
-Coloring
-Take a nap
-Stretch
-Cook a meal without rushing through it
-Spend time with people who bring you joy
You don’t have to avoid all activities to achieve rest. Choose an activity that restores your energy instead of draining it.
Scrolling Isn’t Always Rest
Let’s talk about it. We’ve all had those moments when we open an app “for five minutes” and somehow it’s an hour later. While this may feel relaxing in the moment, it doesn’t always leave us feeling rested. Sometimes it does the complete opposite. We compare ourselves. We overload our brains with information. We consume hundreds of opinions, videos, and headlines without giving ourselves any time to process any of it. And while there’s nothing wrong with enjoying social media, it’s worth asking yourself “Do I actually feel more refreshed after this?” If the answer is no, your brain might be asking for a different kind of break.
Rest is Productive
If you take nothing else away from this post, take this with you. Rest IS productive. And the bonus part? You don’t have to earn it! Rest isn’t the reward you earn after you’ve utterly exhausted yourself. It’s part of what allows you to keep going. Think about athletes. They don’t train every hour of every day because they know their muscles need recovery in order to grow stronger. Your brain works the same way. Rest helps improve creativity, regulate emotions, support concentration, and boosts problem-solving. Rest gives your body and mind the chance to recharge.
If the idea of rest still feels uncomfortable, start small. Start with five or ten minutes instead of dedicating the whole weekend to “doing nothing.” Sit outside without your phone. Listen to your favorite song without multitasking. Take a short walk. Close your eyes and simply notice your breathing. Notice what thoughts show up. The discomfort may still be there at first and that’s okay.
-Haley Martin, LMSW, LMAC