Graduation Grief
Graduation season is upon us! Graduation is supposed to feel exciting but for some it can quietly bring up feelings of grief as well. This grief can feel confusing, because nothing bad is happening, a milestone is being reached. A chapter is ending successfully, yet endings can still hurt, even the positive ones. So whether you’re the graduate, the parent of a graduate, or a friend of a graduate, it’s normal if graduation is stirring up more emotions than you’d expect.
Why Graduation Can Trigger Grief
Graduation represents transition, and oftentimes transition involves loss. You may be grieving:
–the end of a familiar routine
-friendships that might drift apart
-a version of yourself you’re leaving behind
-a sense of identity
-”what could have been”
-not getting into the college you wanted
-feeling like you survived instead of thrived
-the absence of someone important (a parent, grandparent, sibling, mentor, or friend)
Or so much more! Even when the future looks bright, your brain and body still recognize that something meaningful is ending. This may feel especially isolating because there are celebrations everywhere. It can feel almost wrong to admit that you feel sad or scared when everyone else appears joyful.
For The Parents
This may be a very emotional time for you! On one hand you may feel so incredibly proud of your graduate, more than you can put into words. But on the other hand, you may feel grief due to:
-your child growing up
-how your role will change in your child’s life
-the end of your current routine
-feeling like time moved faster than expected
Etcetera! It is very common for parents to have a feeling of guilt behind it all as well for feeling these “negative” emotions during a happy moment. It’s important to remember that grief and gratitude often show up together, so let them! Hold space for both!
Signs Graduation Grief May be Showing Up
Grief doesn’t always look like crying. It can show up as irritability, increased anxiety, difficulty sleeping, loss of motivation, emotional numbness, overthinking, or unexpected large emotional reactions. For some people, staying constantly busy during graduation season seems like a way to cope, but in reality, this is to avoid sitting with difficult emotions.
How to Support Yourself in Graduation Season
Allow mixed emotions
You don’t have to pick between being grateful and grieving. Both can be true.
Name what you’re losing
Identifying where the feeling of loss is coming from can help reduce confusion and self-judgement.
Create closure intentionally
Write a letter to this chapter of your life. Look back at happy photos from your time in school. Revisit meaningful places.
Talk about it
You may be surprised by how many others feel like this too!
Be careful of comparison
There is no right or wrong way to feel right now. Your experience does not have to match those around you either.
Give yourself permission to transition slowly
Big changes can take time! It’s okay if clarity about your future doesn’t arrive immediately after walking across the stage.
Graduation is often portrayed as a “finish line” but really it’s more like a doorway (boring I know). You stand there in the doorway, looking back at what mattered, while trying to face what comes next. If feelings of grief accompany you in this doorway , it doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful, or dramatic, or doing something wrong, it simply means something meaningful is changing. Be gentle with yourself!
-Haley Martin, LMSW, LMAC